WhatsApp Message to Your Ex: Timing That Works

Why timing on WhatsApp matters so much

A WhatsApp message to an ex is not just text, it is a social stimulus with neurochemical effects. If you write too early, you hit a nervous system still in alarm. If you write too late, distance may have settled in. WhatsApp itself shapes the experience: read receipts, Last Seen and the typing indicator amplify expectation and stress (Walther, 1996; Suler, 2004). Timing is not a coincidence, it is where biology, psychology and context meet.

• Psychological: After a breakup, attachment systems are activated. The urge to write right away is understandable, but often counterproductive (Bowlby, 1969; Ainsworth et al., 1978).
• Neurochemical: Rejection activates brain regions also involved in physical pain (Eisenberger et al., 2003). A message can soothe these areas, or trigger them.
• Communicative: WhatsApp fosters hyperpersonal effects, we over‑interpret minimal cues (Walther, 1996). A short text at the wrong time can be read far beyond its intent.

Good news: you can shape timing. Use a plan that calms your nervous system, gives your ex space and increases the odds of a constructive reply.

The science: what happens in mind and body

Before you pick a time of day or day of week, it helps to understand the mechanisms shaping your experience, and your ex’s.

• Attachment systems: Separation activates attachment (Bowlby, 1969; Ainsworth et al., 1978). People with anxious attachment tend to reach out impulsively, avoidant folks withdraw (Hazan & Shaver, 1987; Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007). Your timing should reflect both patterns.
• Neurochemistry of love: Romance and bonding involve dopamine, oxytocin and vasopressin (Fisher et al., 2010; Young & Wang, 2004). After a breakup, rewards vanish, the system is in withdrawal. Contact can soothe short term, but prolong withdrawal long term.
• The pain of rejection: Social rejection activates the anterior cingulate, similar to physical pain (Eisenberger et al., 2003). A grey tick turning blue without a reply can hurt intensely.
• Emotional recovery: After breakups, people move from acute pain to gradual calming and re‑organisation (Sbarra & Emery, 2005; Field et al., 2009). A minimum window without contact often speeds stabilisation.
• Memory and expectation: After a pause, communication is judged more “freshly”, less biased by negative affect (Johnson, 2004; Gottman, 1994). Timing shapes which version of both of you meets online.

Bottom line: good timing protects you and invites your ex to see you afresh, not as an old conflict but as a regulated, open person.

What does “right timing” mean in practice?

The right moment is not just a clock time. It is the alignment of three layers:

• Can you tolerate a neutral reply without panic or blame?
• Can you wait 24 hours before replying if it gets tricky?
• Are your intentions for the message clear, with no hidden tests or accusations?

• Are they still in acute breakup anger or irritability?
• Any acute stressors (exams, project deadlines, illness)?
• Is there a new partner? If yes, you need more time and careful framing.

• Last Seen and read receipts can create pressure. Turn them off if they trigger you.
• Avoid late nights and drinking sessions. Online disinhibition peaks then (Suler, 2004).
• Pick a slot where short, practical messages are normal, for example early evening on a weekday.

If all three layers are green, your WhatsApp message to your ex is more likely to land as calm, respectful and interesting.

Why this matters: when you notice the craving impulse, you can regulate it instead of acting on it. Timing becomes a decision, not a withdrawal reflex.

The 3‑phase timing plan

The week counts are guidelines. Your story, attachment styles and circumstances may need adjustments. The logic stands: calm first, rebuild, then open.

The ready checklist before your first message

Answer honestly:

• Can you accept it if no reply comes?
• Do you know the purpose of your first message exactly, a light neutral touchpoint, not a relationship update?
• Have you avoided emotional outbursts towards your ex for at least 21–42 days?
• Do you have three topics that are positive, short and non‑controversial, for example a shared interest, a neutral heads‑up, a specific thank you?
• Are sleep, food and movement at least adequate?
• Do you have a reply plan for different reactions, no reply, neutral, positive?

If you can say yes to 5 out of 6, you are timing‑ready.

Note: these are tried‑and‑tested heuristics, not rigid rules. Your inner stability and context still lead.

Clear goals and phrasing for your message

Your first WhatsApp message to the ex should meet four criteria: light, specific, non‑urgent, open to an easy response.

• Light: no heavy topic, no “we need to talk”.
• Specific: a small observation or reason to thank them.
• Non‑urgent: no “please reply!” or multiple questions.
• Open: a question is okay but optional. Alternatively use a bridge message that is reply‑able without pressure.

Examples:

• “Hey, just passed the little cafe on the corner, it reminded me of the cinnamon rolls you like. Wishing you a nice evening.”
• “Quick thank you: your tip about the app really helped, saves me time daily. Hope you are well.”
• “Caught that gig you told me about yesterday. The guitarist, you were right. You would have enjoyed it.”

What to avoid:

• “Can we talk? I cannot take this anymore.”
• “Why are you ignoring me?”
• “I met someone ...” (as a tactic, please do not)
• A whole novel. 1–2 sentences are enough.

Science meets everyday life: timing factors in detail

1. Time of day and mood curves Human mood follows circadian patterns. Studies show mood and expressiveness shift across the day (Golder & Macy, 2011). Early mornings are often focused, late evenings are more reactive. First messages late at night are risky: disinhibition goes up (Suler, 2004), so do misunderstandings.

Practical tip: weekdays between 5 and 7 pm often open a window, work is over, evening has begun and it is not late yet. Saturday night is a classic for impulsive texting, avoid it.

2. Day of week and load Mondays are packed, Fridays are often emotionally loaded. Many people are moderately available on Wednesdays or Thursdays. More important than the exact day is your own regulation. If your week is calm, that beats whether it is Wednesday or Thursday.
3. Digital framing

• Turn off Last Seen and read receipts if they trigger you. You do not need to see what you cannot regulate yet.
• Do not expect replies in minutes. A late reply does not equal rejection, people put their phone away, sit in meetings or need time to think (Hall & Baym, 2012).

• Anxious: wait a bit longer, practise self‑soothing. Your message reads calmer when you have tolerated distance first (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007).
• Avoidant: you tend to write too late and too short. Plan consciously, write when you have some inner warmth, keep the door open without pressure.
• Secure: easier to wait and stay clear‑kind. Still follow the brevity and lightness rules.

5. New partner context If your ex is dating someone, be extra respectful, no claims. Timing: wait longer when the breakup is fresh, and choose a neutral reason. The goal is a friendly, non‑threatening touchpoint, not competition.

Real‑life scenarios and solutions

• Sarah, 34, 6 years together, anxious style. She wants to text after 10 days because her ex left a jacket. Timing analysis: day 10 is still acute. Solution: send a short logistics message only for the handover, otherwise pause. Text: “Your jacket is at mine, can I pass it to you Fri 6 pm at the lobby?” No emojis, no subtext. Then 3–4 weeks quiet.
• Jonas, 29, 2 years together, avoidant style. 8 weeks no contact, routines stable. He wants a light message. Timing: good. Message: “Your book on mountain lakes arrived yesterday, the photos are stunning. Thanks again for the tip. Wishing you a relaxed evening.” Goal: thanks + neutral close.
• Aylin, 41, co‑parenting. No full No Contact possible. Timing rule: regulate emotions separately, keep parenting comms strictly factual. Window: weekdays 9–5 for logistics. Message: “Handover Fri 6 pm as agreed. Please remember the PE bag.”
• Marco, 45, ex has a new partner. 10 weeks since the breakup. Timing: careful. Message: “Had the playlist on that you shared ages ago. Made me smile, thanks for that. Hope you are well.” No flirting, no pressure.
• Lisa, 27, sent an affect‑driven night text (“Miss you so much”). No reply. Timing repair: 7–10 days quiet, then a simple apology without drama: “Hey, that late‑night message was not fair. I am working on clearer boundaries. Wishing you well.” Then wait again.
• Daniel, 33, ex replies instantly, writes a lot. Timing management: match pace, do not over‑amp. Reply delay 1–3 hours, keep message length similar. After 2–3 days of light exchange, suggest a short call (“If it suits you, 10 minutes tomorrow?”).
• Mia, 38, ex replies late and short (“Thanks”). Timing follow‑up: do not chase. 5–7 days later, optionally send a new, equally light message, or wait longer. Do not try to correct anything.
• Noah, 31, blocked on WhatsApp. Timing conclusion: do not try other channels. Take 4–8 weeks distance. After that, a short respectful letter by post can be appropriate, once. No pressure, no blame.

Common timing mistakes and how to avoid them

• The affect sprint: you text when feelings peak. Solution: 24‑hour rule. Draft in notes, reread next day. You will not send 80% of those.
• The interpretation reflex: you read Last Seen and delays as rejection. Solution: psychoeducation, hours without a reply are normal and say little about the relationship (Hall & Baym, 2012).
• Double texting: you nudge because there is no reply. Solution: one message, then 7 days quiet. If you write again, pick a new reason, do not reference the silence.
• The long essay: you want to explain everything. Solution: not on WhatsApp. If a relationship talk is needed, propose a conversation, short, clear, kind.
• Staging jealousy: you post “new dates” on purpose. Solution: skip it. Manipulation undermines future closeness and gets spotted.

Decision tree: should I text today?

• Am I calm and steady today (0–10 scale, at least 7)?
• Do I have a light, genuine reason or an honest thank you?
• Do I have a plan for no reply, for example a 2‑hour walk, phone on flight mode?
• Will I avoid staring at Last Seen or the ticks, if in doubt tweak settings?
• Can I keep it to 1–2 sentences?
• Have I avoided emotional drama in the last 3–6 weeks?

If you can say yes to at least 5 points: green light. If not, postpone and work on the conditions.

WhatsApp‑specific nuances

• Read receipts off: reduces rumination. If your ex has them on and you do not, do not discuss it, meta‑talk adds pressure.
• Emojis sparingly: a neutral emoji (😊) can show warmth, but skip a string of flirty ones. In the first message use none or at most one.
• Audio vs text: no voice notes for first contact. They are too intimate and demand immediate attention.
• Pictures: only with a clear, harmless reason (for example a photo of a place you both liked), and just one image, not an album.

Timing after a reply: match the pace

Your ex’s first reply sets the tempo. Use it.

• Reply within minutes but short: you respond kindly but do not stretch it. Example: “Thanks! Wishing you a good evening.” Then pause.
• Reply after hours but warm: do not answer in 2 minutes, wait 30–120 minutes. This feels regulated, not playful, aligned with daily rhythm.
• Reply with a question: answer concretely, ask a light follow‑up or offer a soft close (“... share if you like. No rush either way!”).

Important: timing here is relationship shaping. You show you can be connected without pushing.

Mini‑interventions to regulate before sending

• 4‑7‑8 breathing: inhale 4, hold 7, exhale 8. Three cycles.
• Urge surfing: notice the urge without acting. Name it: “There is the urge to text.” Wait 10 minutes. It usually dips.
• 24‑hour rule: draft in notes and re‑assess next day.
• Implementation intention: “If I feel like texting after 10 pm, I will leave my phone in the kitchen and drink a glass of water.”
• Anchor person: agree with a friend, “I send you any message to my ex first. Only if you say ‘ok’ will I send it.”

These strategies calm the reward system (Fisher et al., 2010) and strengthen self‑control.

When you may text earlier: valid exceptions

• Safety/emergency: safety first. If you fear for their wellbeing, for example suicidal talk, act at once and involve professional help if needed.
• Co‑parenting: logistics are required. Emotions belong outside the parenting channel.
• Correcting a clear mistake: if your tone crossed a line, you can send a brief apology after 48–72 hours. No essay, no “but”.

What if your ex texts first?

• Do not answer immediately if you are very activated. Breathe, wait 15–30 minutes.
• Content: mirror the tone. If it is factual, stay factual. If it is warm, you may be lightly warm too, without old topics.
• Tempo: roughly match. Not much faster, not much longer.
• Boundaries: do not get pulled into late‑night argument chats. Suggest: “It is late, I am happy to reply tomorrow with a clear head.”

The psychology of small steps

Gottman (1994) highlights bids for connection, small attempts to reach out. Your first WhatsApp message to your ex is such a bid. Timing ensures the bid is not read as a demand. Johnson (2004) shows secure gestures are small, consistent and reliable. Bring that online: little, kind, reliable.

Social media and jealousy

Marshall et al. (2013) found that insecure attachment increases jealousy and surveillance on social networks. Timing also means: do not doom‑scroll your ex’s profile before messaging. It intensifies emotions and skews timing. Instead, take an information diet, no profile checks for 2 weeks beforehand.

Action plan: from today to sending

1. Weeks 0–2: set up digital hygiene

• Mute, archive, review read receipts
• Consolidate sleep, add movement
• No alcohol on weekends as a trigger

• Brainstorm 5 neutral topics
• Draft 3 versions, do not send
• Review weekly with a neutral friend

• Pick a day (Tue–Thu), time (5–7 pm)
• Finalise 1–2 sentences, no blame or hidden tests
• After sending: put phone away, go for a walk, watch a film, meet someone, avoid staring at ticks

• If reply: match pace, stay warm, no past
• If no reply: 7–14 days quiet. Then optionally a new, genuine reason, or let go.

Micro examples: good vs wobbly messages

• “Hi! Just walked past the park we used to take the dog to, made me smile. Wishing you a nice evening.”
• “Hey, quick thanks: your advice for the talk with my boss was spot on. It went well.”

Wobbly:

• “We need to talk, this cannot go on.”
• “I know you do not want to, but please hear me out ...”
• “I made mistakes, please give me another chance.”

Why? Wobbly messages create pressure, trigger defence and invite arguments. Timing plus a light tone opens doors.

If you already texted, and it was too early

It happens. Repair, not self‑blame.

• Pause 48–72 hours, then a brief repair text: “That message the other day was too much, sorry. I am taking time to get clear.”
• Then at least 3–4 weeks quiet with focus on you.
• Learn: urge ≠ instruction.

A deeper look: why pausing works

Sbarra & Emery (2005) showed emotions after breakups come in waves but settle over weeks. Field et al. (2009) found breakup distress in students is moderated by sleep, social support and distraction. Pauses reduce contact and create neurobiological conditions for contact to feel new later, less fight, more curiosity. Fisher et al. (2010) illustrate how stepping back from rewards dampens craving. If you send your first WhatsApp message after such calming, it is less likely to hit pain and more likely to meet attentive curiosity.

Advanced: if you have a long WhatsApp history

If you used to chat a lot, you built digital scripts. They get reactivated easily, same times, same emojis, same dynamic. Break patterns on purpose.

• Choose different times of day.
• Avoid insider jokes in the first message, they can be nostalgic or painful.
• No screenshot revivals (“Remember when ...?”). That lifts old narratives instead of opening new ones.

Distinguish logistics vs emotional topics

• Logistics: allowed as needed. Keep it short, clear, no emojis, no subtext. Example: “I will transfer you my share for the utilities today.”
• Emotional/first relationship touchpoint: only after the stabilising phase. Short, light, no “we”.

This protects you from mixed messages that almost always backfire (“About the cats ... and by the way I miss you”, please do not).

Boundaries and ethics

No tricks, no jealousy plays, no popping online and offline to force attention. Manipulation undermines trust, the raw material of any renewed relationship (Johnson, 2004). Stick to honest, respectful, voluntary contact.

The science of “too late”

Is there a too late? Yes, when months pass with no interaction at all, new self‑images and routines stabilise. Still, a friendly short message rarely harms as long as expectations are realistic. Tashiro & Frazier (2003) and Lewandowski & Bizzoco (2007) show people grow after breakups. Your message then meets someone who has changed, and you have too. That can be good. Timing then is less rescue, more respectful re‑encounter.

Tech hacks for better timing

• Avoid scheduled send: sounds smart, can feel mechanical. Send mindfully in a moment when you are steady.
• Put the phone out of sight after sending. Set a 120‑minute timer.
• App friction: move WhatsApp into a folder to slow impulsive taps.
• Disable previews: turn off push previews so every buzz does not spike anxiety.

These reduce phubbing and smartphone disruptions (Sbarra et al., 2019) and support your self‑regulation around timing.

Different time zones

Plan with your ex’s time zone in mind. Write into their late‑afternoon/early‑evening window. Use your first line to give context: “I know it is later for you, just a quick note ...”

Timing and gentle escalation: from text to meeting

If your first three to five exchanges are friendly, light and drama‑free, you can float a mini‑invitation.

• Timing: not the same day. Wait a day or two after a good exchange.
• Wording: “If you like, 10‑minute coffee next week? No pressure, another time is fine too.”
• Accept no or silence without pushing. Timing also means tolerating no.

Tricky dates: birthdays, holidays, anniversaries

These days are emotionally loaded. Your message can read as duty, pressure or test. If you still choose to write, keep it extremely short and neutral:

• “Happy birthday, hope you have a good day.”

No add‑on, no “How are you?”. Then quiet. Keep the bridge without forcing it.

The art of a good pause

Walther (1996) describes how gaps in computer‑mediated communication get over‑interpreted. Use this on purpose: good gaps de‑escalate, bad gaps escalate. A good gap means you leave space before replying, signalling self‑regulation. A bad gap means disappearing after a clear commitment. Be consistent: if you say you will message tomorrow, do it.

If you ended it vs if you were left

Timing shifts with breakup roles.

• You ended it: contacting too early can send mixed signals (“Are you reversing?”). Recommendation: at least 6–8 weeks space, then a light message without a relationship offer. Goal: show respect, not possession.
• You were left: the urge to contact fast is stronger. Recommendation: stricter self‑regulation phase (at least 4–6 weeks), then a low‑pressure message without pleas. Goal: preserve dignity, avoid reactance.
• Mutual decision: 4–6 weeks often suffice if there were no major conflicts. Focus: warm, short bridge message.

Timing by breakup cause

Causes shape how early and how lightly contact can resume.

• Many fights/communication fatigue: longer pause (6–10 weeks). First contact without meta‑talk (no “We always ...”).
• Infidelity: very cautious. Without clear, proactive accountability, early messages backfire. First, take responsibility briefly in writing (after 6–8 weeks), then give a lot of space.
• Emotional drift/everyday rut: easier opening. Emphasise specific micro‑moments of appreciation (“Your playlist saved my evening”).
• External stressors (long‑distance, job change): timing is more pragmatic. Short logistical/supportive messages work well after 4–6 weeks.

7‑day micro‑plan before sending

• Day 1: start a social‑media diet (no profile checks). Aim for 7–8 hours sleep.
• Day 2: 20‑minute walk without your phone. Note three light reasons.
• Day 3: draft first message (2 variants). Do not send.
• Day 4: review variants with a neutral friend. Cut to 1–2 sentences.
• Day 5: check WhatsApp settings (read receipts/Last Seen). Set an after‑sending plan.
• Day 6: test run: message a neutral person (for example colleague) and practise pace‑matching.
• Day 7: send, then phone away for 120 minutes. Breathe, move, no tick‑watching.

Contact frequency after the first reply: 3‑week plan

• Week 1: max 2–3 short exchange sessions. No late nights, no past. Goal: safety, not intensity.
• Week 2: light expansion is fine (4–5 short exchanges), possibly a 10–15‑minute call if the tone stays warm.
• Week 3: suggest a mini‑meet (coffee/walk). If hesitant, give more time, do not push.

Red flags: you get impatient, count replies, test boundaries. Reduce frequency, do not increase it.

Template set for 12 situations

1. Neutral remembering: “Walked past the bookshop where we picked that card. Made me smile. Have a nice evening.”
2. Thanks with no agenda: “Thanks for your Excel tip the other day, saves me time. Just wanted to say that.”
3. Shared item: “Your pot is still here. Does Thu/5:30 pm work for handover?”
4. Light humour (no insider): “Fished three socks from the washing machine. The odds are against me. Just wanted to wish you a good evening.”
5. After an early text (repair): “My late‑night message was out of line. Sorry about that. I am slowing down.”
6. New partner present: “Heard your old playlist in a cafe. Thanks again, it is timeless. Wishing you well.”
7. Work context: “I have digitised the documents. I will send them tomorrow 11 am, does that work?”
8. Co‑parenting: “Orthodontist appointment moved to Wed/2:00 pm. I will handle pickup.”
9. Time zone: “I know it is early for you, just briefly: the contact with XY works, thanks for the intro back then.”
10. Health/care: “Heard the surgery went well. Wishing you a smooth recovery.”
11. Just before meeting: “I will be at the corner from 5:05 pm, no stress if it is 5 minutes later.”
12. After a nice mini‑exchange: “I liked that light exchange. If you like, coffee for 10 minutes next week.”

Myths about No Contact and timing

• Myth: “The faster I text, the less distance we have.” Reality: early texting in the acute phase often increases distance.
• Myth: “No Contact is playing games.” Reality: it is nervous‑system hygiene, a precondition for useful contact.
• Myth: “If they do not reply within 1 hour, it is over.” Reality: mobile habits vary widely; hours say little (Hall & Baym, 2012).
• Myth: “Many emojis show warmth.” Reality: in a first message they raise the risk of misreading.

Using WhatsApp features wisely (current)

• Delete for everyone: do not plan impulsive sends followed by deletes. Better not send or use the 24‑hour rule.
• Edit messages: avoid post‑send edits early on. They read as unsure. Edit beforehand by cutting and checking.
• Mute/archive: use both to reduce impulsive checking.
• Broadcast/groups: never use a group as a bridge. 1:1 is the standard.

If you work together

Work context demands low emotion, high clarity.

• Times: work hours only, no late‑night or weekend pings.
• Content: tasks, deadlines, handovers, no private topics in work chats.
• Escalation: if emotions rise, move offline, keep it short and factual, involve a third party if needed.

LGBTQ+ and cultural nuances

Attachment processes are universal, contexts vary.

• Outing/privacy: take extra care with discretion if the environment is not aware. Timing: daytime, avoid public‑facing messages.
• Overlapping communities: shared friend groups add a sense of being observed. Keep messages even shorter and more neutral.
• Directness norms: in more direct cultures a clear, short message can work better; in more indirect ones, lean into politeness.

Law, boundaries, safety

• Respect an explicit “do not contact”. Repeated texting after a clear no crosses boundaries.
• Blocked means accept. Do not switch channels. Later, a one‑off respectful letter by post can be appropriate, then stop.
• If you feel threatened or unsafe: safety first, seek support from people you trust and professionals.

Self‑talk script for the moment before

• “I can take my time. A good message tomorrow beats an impulsive one today.”
• “Their reaction is not a verdict on my worth.”
• “I choose lightness. No big topics today.”
• “I follow my plan: send, put it away, breathe.”

Decision matrix: send today, postpone or skip?

• Inner state < 7/10? → postpone and regulate.
• Genuine reason present? → possibly send.
• Last interaction conflict‑free and > 3 weeks ago? → better.
• Ex in acute stress (exam/bereavement)? → wait.
• Blocked/“please do not text”? → skip.

Mini‑sequence: 3 steps over 14 days (if tone is positive)

• Day 0: light bridge (1–2 sentences), no forced question.
• Day 4–6: short follow‑up with a new small reason. No past.
• Day 10–14: if tone stays warm, suggest a 10‑minute call or coffee. Otherwise keep it low and slow.

Brakes for escalation: what if the chat turns

• Signs: sarcasm gets sharp, old topics pop up, typing indicator runs long. Response: slow the tempo.
• Phrases: “I can tell this is a big topic. I would rather not unpack it by chat.” / “Let us stop here for today, wishing you a good evening.”
• Then: 3–7 days quiet before you bring a new light reason.

Mini self‑tests for your attachment impulse

• Scale 0–10: how strong is my urge to text right now? Above 7? Wait 24 hours.
• Scale 0–10: how calm would I be with no reply? Below 6? Regulate first.
• Scale 0–10: how sure am I there is no hidden blame in the text? Below 8? Edit.

Common special cases, quick answers

• You bump into your ex: do not live‑WhatsApp afterwards. Wait 24–48 hours, then optionally a short, friendly message (“Nice to bump into you. Have a good evening.”) only if the vibe was neutral.
• Birthday dilemma: if it would be the first message since the breakup, often best to skip that day. Text 1–2 weeks later with a neutral reason.
• Holiday blues: no loneliness texts. Plan an activity, put the phone away, schedule your message for the week after.

Extra FAQ

• How many attempts make sense? Two light contact attempts 7–14 days apart. No reply, respect it.
• What if I feel longing in my body? Move briefly, hot‑cold shower, regulate breath, then assess. Calm body, clearer head.
• Can I use humour? Yes, very gently and without insider lines or jabs. Humour must not test them.
• May I write “I miss you”? Not in the first phase. Later only if contact is mutually warm and you can handle a no.

Final thoughts: hope without hurry

A WhatsApp message to an ex can be a delicate thread that reconnects, or a tight wire that snaps under tension. Timing makes the difference: inner calm, outward respect, small steps. You do not have to prove anything. You can wait until your system is calm, then write lightly, kindly and clearly. If there is a future together, good timing will not force it, but it will open a door both of you can choose to walk through.